I’m still here!

It’s been quite a while since I sent a newsletter, and you might be wondering why.

There are a few reasons –

I never want to overload you.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about.
I was questioning whether what I had on my mind was relevant.

Bottom line: I wasn’t sure what to do.

What do I do when I don’t know what to do?

I do nothing, and in the space of nothing, I see what happens.

Today, I feel inspired to share…

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about post-pandemic life.

I’ve learned that this is called re-entry anxiety: the stress people feel as life returns to “normal.”

We became accustomed to living a different kind of life: Going out less – if at all – avoiding travel and public transportation, working from home, and seeing very few or no family and friends.

We basically got used to living our lives in isolation.

Some of us moved to different homes, left our jobs, or completely changed jobs.

And what about all the Moms who have been navigating homeschooling on top of household responsibilities?

We built new routines and Zoom lives in our homes… and thank goodness for Zoom! It’s been a true lifeline, not only to work, but to family and friends.

Along with that, we can’t push aside the losses and grief of the past 15 months.

So many lives were lost, along with the loss of celebrations, weddings, trips, concerts, theatre, family gatherings, and more.

All these things add up in ways we don’t always feel right away.

As more people get vaccinated, things begin to open up, and the CDC guidelines change, we’re suddenly thrown into the conversation of getting back to “normal.”

I don’t know what normal is.

For me, at this point, the normal of January 2020 literally feels like another lifetime.

After 15 months of rapid change, I’m questioning what I really want now.

I have to admit, I’m feeling a bit of internal pressure that I might be missing out on something, as things pick up again… and it’s been sparking pretty strong feelings in me.

So what do I do when I don’t know what to do?

I do nothing – or as nothing as anything can be.

In that nothingness, I use the space, as Chögyam Trungpa suggests, to “Open to the messages, and to simply keep going.”

As long as you are open, you will notice reference points everywhere.

You will be guided toward your next step.

As life would have it, last month our Dharma Den discussion was about the Four Immeasurables: Loving-kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, and Equanimity.

Last week, I excitedly began to teach Kindfulness in Module 1 of Your Meditation Toolbox.

In my personal practice, I recently began an advanced studies course in Mahayana Buddhism and the Bodhisattva Ideal.

It seems to me that I’m being inundated with practices and studies of the heart, all part of the Mahayana Path.

The Mahayana is also known as the greater vehicle, and the path of the Bodhisattva, which is a beautiful and fancy word for an awakened being.

I believe we are all awakened beings.

In fact, it’s that quality of wakefulness, awareness, and sensitivity that I suspect is giving me re-entry anxiety.

In any event, the Mahayana Path is said to be very powerful, because it guides us to realize our own potential, and self-source our power.

In a sense, I’m being reminded to trust myself, to trust my intuition, and as Sharon Salzberg says, to “feel the feels.”

I could resort to the list in Self magazine that offers 7 ways to deal with re-entry anxiety, or I could do what has always supported me…

My practice. Here.

Sitting with the feelings of FOMO – Fear of Missing Out.

Sitting with the anxiety of not knowing.

Sitting with the feelings of ambivalence.

Being ok with not knowing my next move.

So what do I do when I don’t know what to do?

I sit, with a hand on my heart.

I feel the weight and warmth of my hand.

I offer myself the invitation to soften into the present, and to create space for possibility and wonder.

It’s powerful to do nothing, as long as it’s in a safe space, with an open heart.

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.” – Wendell Berry

Along with my practice, the following books have been wonderful support…

No Time to Lose by Pema Chödrön

The Bodhisattva Path by Chögyam Trungpa

Real Love by Sharon Salzberg

Are you feeling re-entry anxiety? What’s helping you navigate?

I’d love to discuss with you in the comments below.

Warmly,
Michele